Scared Spitless

When we found out Mom was sick in December, Amy looked at me one day and said, "When are we getting our mammograms?" Neither of us had had one yet. I know, I know....I'm 47 and should have already had several. My gynecologist has been after me for years to get one, "as a baseline." I put it off, and put it off, but now had a strong family history of breast cancer. First, my mom's sister, several years ago. Her breast cancer was found in tissue that was removed in a breast reduction, then Mom. So two weeks ago, I got my first mammogram.

I found out on the following day that there was an area that the radiologist recommended be ultrasounded. What? Oh my God. Now I was scared. All I could think about was what we had been through with Mom. I contacted my gynecologist that day, who got me scheduled for an ultrasound that day. I was at work that day. From the moment I found out there was a concerning area, I couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING. From 10AM to 1PM when the ultrasound was scheduled was the longest 3 hours.

I told my charge nurse, and friend, Cheryl, what was going on. I cried. I was so scared. She was very reassuring to me, but I was still so scared. My co-workers were concerned when they saw that I had been crying, but no one asked any questions.

At 1:00 I went down to ultrasound. They called me back and Joanne, one of the ultrasonographers that does a lot of our fetal ultrasounds, was taking care of me. She asked me how I was doing, and I started crying again. She explained that she would scan the area first, and then the radiologist would come in and scan, too, which was protocol.

Imagine my fear escalating when the radiologist sat down and said, "We need to biopsy this thing." He gave me a quick explanation of what he was seeing on the scan, which, in hind-sight, was actually reassuring, though, at the time, all I heard was "biopsy." I cried and cried on that ultrasound table.

He said that we could schedule the biopsy for my next day off. I told him, "Let's do it now," and he agreed.

So I got the biopsy right there in ultrasound. Painful? Yes. I likened it to a nail gun going off 5 different times, once for each "punch" specimen. It took about 10 minutes total. I asked for his "gut feeling" about the mass. He told me his gut told him that this was benign and that it was going to turn out to be a papilloma. He pointed to the screen and said, "Nothing on here is saying cancer to me, but because it is a 'grey area,' we have to biopsy it. He reassured me that I was going to be fine.

I went home to wait the longest wait of my life. 20 hours of not knowing, but with some reassurance. He called me Friday at 11:30 with the BENIGN report. What a relief. A weight was lifted.

Because of the nature of the lesion, though, and a possibility of it becoming pre-cancerous in several years, it was recommended that I have a lumpectomy. I had that on Tuesday, so that sucker is OUT OF THERE.

I'm so glad it's over with and that it is all fine. Thank God.